First, though--I think I keep getting fooled by all of my psychological epiphanies. I feel this grand release--perhaps after I remember something from the past--or something dealing with school--and maybe AA drops down to 50 percent or so the next day.
But so what? It comes back. What this means to me is that I'm not past this--and resting on my laurels after a successful day (of say 5 openers that don't go anywhere) is not going to help.
The epiphanies, I think, are extremely important. But along with this self-imposed regimen of tapping, self analysis, self-hypnosis (which may or may not really hypnotise me), affirmations, etc...I fucking need the practice. One thing I tried last night that may have helped me today was to really focus on the positives.
So let's do that now. What have I accomplished?
First, let me set a new frame of reference. While I read the Game towards the end of 2007, and really felt that progress was going great in the early part of the year, there were some countervailing problems. I tried to go out for night game--was completely thrown by the bar scene--and didn't feel with-it enough to stay with the crew. Plus I only went out once every few weeks--it wasn't really practice. Practicing on my own was good--and I did get several numbers and even some follow-ups (and a brief make-out), but I spent so much time fighting myself and getting knocked back by the night game that in some ways the progress--and remembering it--was kind of painful.
So I've really just started doing this IN EARNEST since January :)
Now, my wars against myself have continued--but even with them I have sometimes been able to push through.
Several times the last few days, opened a couple of 2-sets. A positive one in a coffee shop--two Americans who I asked if they were from the East, but also a couple that basically fell flat.
I've been pushing through the iron block--that feeling, when I have it--used to completely paralyse me. Still does, but I feel that I can fight it on occasion.
Paying more attention to my approaches. They haven't turned into conversations very often--but they are often quiet, quickly delieverd, and weak. Many of these were better last year--but that's ok. Just some discouragement at the process.
I'll recap tonight's approaches, so I have at least a small record.
3 foreign girls "You shouldn't be dancing in front of Westminster Abbey". Fell completely flat...tried to push on but a bomb.
2 French girls by a Foyles in front of embankment-tried a question about Foyles but didn't really work. Kedar came in and one of the girls said "do you speak french?"--so it looks like he could have pushed further with her. I have noticed that some sets favor me, and some favor him. This is good! I'm recognising things.
A couple at the Trafalgar Sq. corner--she had a really bright light on her camera. "Real Londoners!" she said. I teased her about that.
1 woman standing alone taking a picture--I told her about the floating Nelson's Column apparation--but she seemed not at all interested.
2 girls standing crossing the street---"you guys look confused" blank look blowout
1 girl (with boyfriend i think) in Porterhouse--"You have the coolest trousers in the pub." she smiled and said thanks--but not pursued.
1 blond girl standing alone "I'm going to talk to you now for 5 minutes--chatted with that guy [kedar] already". NOt i nterested--fell flat.
Roadhouse
bunch of girls at a Cops and Robbers theme party. Asked one if they were at a hen party--she said no--just a night out. Not all that interested.
Took the night-stick from a second girl--nothing much in the way of response, but fine.
Asked another about the theme--said cops and robbers. DIdn't sense interest--but could have pushed.
1 good interaction with waitress at Langley--I was feeling pumped, but too afraid to approach a seated 3-set and a 6 set. Went to the empty back room and started chatting with her about Wednesday nights at the bar--then guessed that she was either from S. Europe or Latin America. SHe said spain, we chatted about that, then about my American accent. Felt flirtatious. could have done more with the touching--and there wsa probably an opportunity to say something about her cute accent or something--she said that I reminded her of American actors. I should have said "Great--I'm that hot!" cheekily...but I didn't...
Next time.
I'm glad I'm keeping this journal--even if it's not consistent. I think it will help focus on my research as well.
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